I Do Not Like Cats

Growing up my family always had cats. We got Fern and Mr. Murray when I was 4, and then Mr. Murray died not much later and we got Ernie. However, my mom is allergic to cats so they became outdoor cats. I would enjoy going out on the porch, sitting on the bench with a blanket and petting a cat while they laid on my lap for about ten minutes. 

However, I cannot tolerate them for much longer than that.

Here are the reasons why:

1. They shed EVERYWHERE. Seriously, what is with that?! You pet a cat for two seconds and your legs are covered in long cat hairs, which are almost impossible to brush off.
2. They dig their claws into you to show "affection." To me, it's more like they're saying, "I do this to you and you still feed me and give me water! Ha, you sucker." It's just plain mean.
3. They don't play fetch.
4. They stare at you too much, causing slight paranoia about evil plots to ruin your life. 
5. You can't teach them cute tricks.
6. They run out in front of your car like maniacs and force you to stomp on your brakes, almost giving you a heart attack.

So usually I only have five reasons why I don't like cats. But number six made the list today. I was driving home from work and I turned onto my road. As I was going the 25 mph speed limit, two cats ran out at the last second (quite seriously, I'm not exaggerating) and basically tried to see if they could cross in front of me without getting hit. I had to slam on my brakes, and I still thought that I hit one. I was only going 25 mph. And I had to slam on my brakes to not hit these cats. Stupid cats.

That's how close of a call it was.

 

Luckily, they were both fine and they ran away. I brushed it off, figured it was no big thing. I started up my car (I drive a manual, and slamming on my brakes like that at the last second left me no time to flip it into neutral) and began to drive away. I looked in my rear view mirror, and watched the exact same cats do the exact same thing they just did to me to the car that was behind me. 

I was horrified. They were deliberately running out in front of cars. Stupid cats.

Before today I could always say that I liked cats, but that I was much more of a dog person. But no longer! After seeing the deliberate actions of those two cats today, I now will say that I do no like cats.