1.5, 6, 42, 1008

     I cannot believe that I will be married in six weeks. Time has been flying by so far and I am so happy that it has! If there was one thing I did not want to happen it was for time to drag. But good news! It feels like I have only been at school for a few weeks, when in reality it's been ten weeks. Six weeks... man, I remember when I first started counting down the days to my wedding. My first number was 96 days, and I thought that was close! Now, it's only a month and a half away.
Or...
  6 weeks
   or...
    42 days
     or...
      1008 hours
       or...
        60,480 minutes
          or...
            3,628,800 seconds. Okay, so I probably took it a little far when I figured out how many seconds.


     Wedding plans are coming along just great and my life hasn't been too overly stressful, so that has been a relief. I love spending every day with Derek. I know I'm stubborn and probably get under his skin all the time, but he is still patient with me. Even when I try to be mad because I feel for one reason or another like I should be, I don't make it very long. Once I look at him, he's making some kind of goofy face, and I crack a smile. Frustrating isn't it?

     I can't wait to get married. ONLY 6 WEEKS!

Creative Genius

That phrase often used to describe a phenomenal composer, author, artist, or any other personage who creates things of great admiration and honor during our human existence, is a rather ironic use of rhetoric in my opinion. It doesn't seem to have any negative connotation to it; the word genius is included. People such as Leonardo da Vinci, Mozart, Beethoven, Michelangelo, and Albert Einstein have often had that descriptor tagged to their identities, so how could there possibly be anything negative to the phrase "creative genius." Well, I'm here to tell you that there can be, and there is.

The creative power of the human mind is incredible. There is an estimated 10-100 billion neurons in our brain constantly firing electrical impulses down their axons to the dendrites (the finger-like appendages at the end of each neuron) that then either send those impulses, or release neurotransmitters as messengers, to the other dendrites of the other neuron or neurons sharing that synapse. There are an estimated 100 trillion synapses in the human brain. If you think about it, they say that your brain is roughly the size of your two fists put together. Do this with me now: make a fist with both of your hands, and place them against each other, knuckles touching. Within that approximate size, 10-100 billion neurons and 100 trillion synapses exist; your whole body is operated from within that power source. Including your creativity.

From the time I was a little girl, I knew I had strong mind and an even stronger imagination. I could think up princesses and castles in far-away lands with beautiful skies that never turned gray, and an endless supply of chocolates. At the same time these wonderful childhood images could turn sour very quickly. I had frequent nightmares as a kid; many of them happening over, and over, and over again. To this day I can still remember some of the worst ones. It is this fact that convinces me that creativity can be a little more than unpleasant at times. Moments of inspiration can occur whenever they please. And most of the time you don't get to choose when this inspiration strikes. For me, that moment occurred around 3:14 AM.

I'm not exactly sure how long I was dreaming for, or when my dream started, but I woke up at 3:14 this morning in a panic. Tears in my eyes threatening to spill down stood on the brink of my lids as I stayed very still and re-ran my whole nightmare back through my mind. It was awful. My sympathetic nervous system was still running strong even once the nightmare was over, and I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. My neurons were going crazy, the synapses were filled with messages and neurotransmitters. With the way my imagination was running wild with me, I'm sure I would have believed that the Earth was going to open up and swallow me and my small twin bed from this dinky bedroom in this dinky apartment. My "creative genius" was at work, and not for a good cause.

Now, don't get me wrong, I find the brain fascinating and I appreciate art, music, writing, and other creations of the human mind as much as, if not more than, the next person. But to be perfectly honest, I do not appreciate these night-time interruptions to my beauty sleep.

The Joys of Being Engaged

It is that rush of adrenaline, that surge of pure happiness that bursts through your soul as the words, “Will you marry me?” are uttered that make that moment unforgettable. And the fact that you can hear the tremor in his voice and see the shaking in his hands as he is down on one knee in your backyard awaiting your response definitely leaves an imprint on your mind. That day is filled with the excitement of being engaged and spreading the exciting news to family and friends.

The next few months are exciting as well, although a bit more stressful. The plans for the wedding have to be started and you, or me, in this situation, start to realize just how much actually goes into planning a wedding. The smallest details that you would never think about when attending a wedding reception have to be thought about when you are in charge. This excitement of looking at dresses, picking out shoes, looking for bridesmaids outfits, flowers, cake, punch, decorations, jewelry, hair styles, everything that you need to be a bride keeps most brides going, going, going until their wedding day.

Except for me…

Don’t get me wrong, I am so very grateful to be here at BYU-I, but it stresses me out. I completely lose my mind, including any sort of memory I had, when it comes to my personal life because it’s all being consumed by my studies. When I have to shove my brain full of information and knowledge about chemistry, molecular structures, polarity, lattice energy, and hybridized orbitals, who has room for more?! Being in school also helps make the days seem like they drag on for eternities.

As I’ve been here at school, I’ve realized the joys of being engaged.

1.      You aren’t married yet.

2.      You get to say goodnight every evening. (For me, every evening before midnight.)

3.      You are always excited to see them and be with them.

And… last but not least!

4.      You aren’t married yet.

…wait, did I say that twice?

I’m hoping that you caught my sarcasm that I so carefully tried to hide, but these joys are, in actuality, quite awful.

1.      “You aren’t married yet.” Okay. That is true. But since the day he proposed to me I have just wanted it to be December 28^th already. Am I supposed to relish this time of being in limbo? I’m not single, but I’m not married. I’m engaged.

2.      “You get to say goodnight every evening.” No matter how romantic that sounds, it just straight up sucks. I don’t want to say goodnight. And if I have to, can’t the nights pass by faster than they do? I already have a hard enough time sleeping. Thank you very much girlish emotions and feelings and all that mushy stuff; you keep me up at night missing my fiancé.

3.      “You are always excited to see them and be with them.” Isn’t there some kind of saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder? Pretty sure that’s how it goes. Well, I agree. It’s true. But the effects of this are meant to be experienced after weeks or months of separation… not mere hours. I’d rather stop feeling so pathetic and just be married already so that I don’t have to deal with all this crap.

4.      “You aren’t married yet.” I think I’ve made my point.

So basically, the take home message of this post today folks is that I just want to be married already! Derek and I have been engaged for over three months now. I would be willing to place money on the fact that over 50% of LDS couples who tie the knot are engaged and married within three months. By the time Derek and I get hitched it will have been 5 months and 3 days… sweet.

Now, while I am complaining a lot about being engaged, I have to admit; I absolutely love it. You have to accept the good and the bad in all things. When it comes to fiancés, I’m pretty sure I have the best. But hey, I’m not denying that I am bias. 


He knows that I am extremely forgetful and doesn’t lose his patience when I have to ask things multiple times… unless I get to my fifth time asking, then I think he gets a little tired of telling me.


 He knows when to laugh at me when I do something that only an idiot would do, and he knows when to just give me a hug, kiss my forehead, and proudly take my hand. And I suspect that he has some sort of super power because he always knows when I really really want some chocolate. And only on these certain days when I really really want chocolate will he ask while we’re waiting in the check-out line at the store, “Hey Tay, you want a candy?” All I have to do is give the “Thetford Grin” and he knows I do. I select my treat of choice and he picks up the tab. What a guy.

So being engaged really isn’t that bad. It’s wonderful! There are multiple moments every day where it seems like Derek saw into my thoughts and dreams when I was a dreamy teenage girl and knows just how I’ve imagined this part of my life. He executes certain moments perfectly, creating my very own personal fairy tale.
 And other moments are not so perfectly executed because we all know I’m stubborn and rather difficult to deal with at times… well, a lot of the time. But in all of those moments, I look at him and see my very best friend. While being engaged I have come to realize one very important thing that not only applies to my situation now, but also to just about any situation you’ll ever encounter.

Being engaged is not a naturally occurring fairy tale. You have to make it one.