Loss & Hope

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

Losing a loved one is the most trying experience that we are asked to go through in this life. Especially when they are taken without notice; without a chance to say goodbye. Our hearts are broken and forget everything except their basic function of beating. 

When loved ones are taken in such an unexpected way, our minds cannot comprehend the reasoning. We don't understand why it had to be that way or why they didn't get more time. But we won't ever be able to understand why. The Lord's way is the Lord's way, and He can see beyond what our minds can comprehend. And while the passing of this person is one of the hardest things we will have to endure, the Lord promises us this:

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

-1 Corinthians 10:13

Heavenly Father has promised us that He will provide a way for us to bear our trials. One of the most beautiful forms of comfort that He has provided for us is in the Atonement of His son, Jesus Christ. Our Savior not only atoned for our sins, but He bore the pain of our sorrows, heartaches, afflictions, trials, burdens, and disappointments. He knows exactly what pains we will face in this life, and He knows what they feel like. He is the only person who knows your heart, your pain, and your sorrow at this moment. When there are no words to explain how you feel, He understands. 

And the most beautiful part of it all? Jesus Christ died and was resurrected. He lives. And that means that even though our loved ones are not with us in these moments, we will be with them again. We will get to see the love in their smile, the warmth in their eyes, and feel the security of their embrace. We will get to feel the joy of being reunited with loved ones that we have lost. 

The passing of a loved one is one of the hardest things we will be asked to endure in this life. But there is hope for better days; a hope that eventually, our hearts will heal. And there is a knowledge that we will get to be with them once more. We will always remember them, and the love that they showed through their life.

"And now ..., I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions;

...Have patience, and ... with a firm hope ... ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions."

-Alma 34:40-41

I'm Tired of It

My frustrations this morning center around one idea: honesty. 

How difficult is it to be honest? How taxing is it to admit the truth and to, if the truth demands it, take responsibility for a mistake that you made? I understand that doing so may be humiliating. Sure. You made a mistake and you're a little bit embarrassed about it. But will it not be that much better in the long run to immediately admit the truth than to have everyone eventually find out the truth, and upon doing so, discover that you were being dishonest? In my mind, and after twenty two years of living, it is obvious: tell the truth to begin with, get the humiliation over with,  and deal with the consequences.

There are too many dishonest people in this world who will do or say just about anything to have things swayed in their favor. It is wrong and unjust to those who are trying their best to do what they know is right. I guess life truly is never going to be fair due to the imperfections of the human condition. 

One would think that this honesty frustration wouldn't be as hard to deal with in places where the population of Latter-Day Saints is high. Well, that has not proven to be true for me in my experience. After living in Provo for about two years and after having now been in Rexburg for two years, I can tell you that people are imperfect, and they will be dishonest. Being imperfect is not an excuse for dishonesty. There is no excuse. 

I guess my views of telling the truth from the get-go are even a tad bit too idealistic for the "Rexburg bubble." People lie to get their way all the time. From emails to professors claiming "internet troubles" while trying to take the latest quiz to coordinating an against-the-rules group effort while taking an exam, dishonesty is everywhere. 

I'm tired of it.

Headbands Galore

As I have been sitting here procrastinating doing things that I should be, I have been browsing the wonderful resources that are pinterest, etsy, and amazon and have found the CUTEST headbands. Ever.

I think I need all of these. 

There are tons more online. Click here to look at how amazingly cute they all are. 

99 days to go until this little girl gets here and I get to put these absolutely wonderful, adorable, frilly things to use!

Father's Day: Here's to You, Pop

Whenever I think of my dad, the first thing that comes to my mind is him laughing and smiling. That's my dad. 

No matter the rough day he's had, or the challenges he may be facing at the moment, I don't think you'll be able to find him without a smile. 

Memories of Saturday morning family clean ups and yard work, learning how to mow the lawn on our riding mower, long nights at the dining room table struggling to figure out calculus, and laughing hysterically while playing games all involve my dad. He was the one who would try and get us excited to do the yard work or clean up the house on a Saturday morning. He and my mom would come into our rooms, and pretend to make our beds with us still in it, and then be surprised as they sat down and found a giant lump under the covers.  

He showed me how to turn on the lawn mower, how to adjust the speed, the blade height, everything that I needed to know so that I could mow the lawn. And my dad was the one to stay up late with a stressed-out, emotional teenage daughter trying to talk calculus to her. 

Let me say this: man, is my dad patient. I'm not the fastest when it comes to learning calculus, it just doesn't click as quickly as other things. But when I'm emotional and stressed out, you wouldn't even be  to teach me left from right. So thanks, Dad. 

My dad is the man that every guy I dated had to compare to. They needed to have a testimony of the gospel and a love for our Savior. They needed to be kind, understanding, and loving. They needed to have a sense of humor and be able to make me laugh. They needed to understand the value of hard work. They needed to be honest and respectful. They needed to know when I need comforting and when I need to be persuaded to see the rational side of things. My dad is all of that and so much more. I am so grateful for the man and father that he was as I was growing up, and the wonderful man and father that he still is today. I will always look up to him and the example that he has set for me and how it helped me pick the perfect man to marry.

And, there he is folks. The man I chose to marry! I love that picture. 

Over the last year and a half of our marriage, I have come to recognize and realize the great amount of love and admiration that Derek has for his dad. I know that I am incredibly grateful for everything that he has done in raising Derek and helping him find his way to becoming the man that he is today. And I am grateful for the father that he has been to me as he has lovingly accepted me. The hugs that I get every time I see him are definitely something that make me feel loved and at home. 

As Derek and I are getting ready to have our first baby, it makes me even more grateful for the wonderful men that we both have as fathers. I can't wait to see what kind of changes being a dad to a sweet little girl will bring about in my husband. And we are both incredibly excited to become parents ourselves. 

With celebrating mothers and fathers within the past month, we both can't help but feel an increased love towards our parents and all that they have done for us.

So, on this Father's Day, we want to say thanks for all that you've done. Here's to you, pop. We love you.

I Promise I'm Intelligent

Have you ever had one of those moments where you pose a problem to someone and they give you a possible solution that seems like it should be common sense? Then you feel really stupid for not having thought of it yourself? Yeah... I'm really good at those moments. Quite proficient actually.

A couple weeks ago, McKinsie and I had a sewing night. We had been talking about how we have these sewing projects that we need to get done and want to before our babies get here, so we decided to kick our husbands out and let them have a guy's night while we sewed our hearts away. I still had some fabric that my mom had bought me to make a receiving blanket, and Kinsie wanted to make some burp cloths. So we got together and got to work. 

This is my Babylock Audrey A-Line machine. My parents
bought it for me on my 21st birthday, and I LOVE IT! It
works like a champ and is small and lightweight.

Everything was going MARVELOUSLY with my receiving blankets. And if you remember from my previous post about making these blankets, I encountered many, many problems while making my first two on my own. But this one was going great! I had sewn the two pieces together, sewn the corners (correctly, thank heavens), done my trimming, ironed my seams, and flipped the blanket right side out. I chose my decorative stitch, put on my lovely matching thread, and set my awesome little machine to work! 

I was going along, and had three full sides completed. I got about a quarter of the way through the last side, and my machine started to sound a little... funny. So I slowed down the pace and all of a sudden the needle stopped moving. I would press on the foot pedal but the needle was stationary. I could hear the motor whirring, so it wasn't a problem with the motor... it was just that darn needle! By this point both of us had had machine troubles so we decided to call it a night. 

I put away my machine, sad that it was experiencing its first problem in the year and a half that I've had it. 

So I called a sewing machine repair place today, just to get their estimate on how much it would cost me to get my machine fixed. I explained my problem.

Me - "Well, when I press on the foot pedal I can hear the motor going, but the needle is stationary. It's not moving."

This is basically how stupid I felt. And I'm
pretty sure I slapped my forehead while
I was still on the phone.

Jenny (the kind employee who helped me) - "Have you checked your bobbin winder?" 

Me - *Silence*

Jenny - "Because if your bobbin winder is engaged, then your needle won't move."

Me - Dangit, I'm such an IDIOT! "Ya know, I haven't checked that. I probably should have thought of that! Thank you so much for your help."

Jenny - "No problem. And if you check that and it doesn't work, you can bring it in to us. We do free estimates."

This is one of those moments where I want to hold on to the idea that she gave me, but erase our phone conversation. 

I promise. I'm intelligent! 

I just... don't think things through sometimes. 

Dangit. 

But the good news is that my machine most likely isn't broken (I figure that from the high speed of doing a decorative stitch, my machine was shaking and probably knocked the bobbin winder over just far enough to cause the needle to stop moving) and I can finish the blanket! So I will do that tonight, and post pictures when I'm done. 

Hooray for people like Jenny who can help people like me when we just don't use our brains.

24 Weeks

I am 24 weeks today! That means only four more weeks and I'm officially in my third trimester. 

Weird.

Good things about today:

I got a 12 out of 10 on my anatomy quiz. No, that's not a typo. I got 120%.

I ate a graham cracker and frosting sandwich. It was delicious.

It's absolutely beautiful outside.

I figured out what I have to do to be able to graduate on time with Derek and STILL be able to take next semester off!

So, my original plan when I found out I was going to be having a baby in October was to take online classes, let my teachers know I was having a baby, and hopefully they would let me get as far ahead in the course as I could before the baby got here. However, with my major there are not that many courses offered online. Then Derek suggested that I get on the new catalog year (for 2012-2013). I asked him why, and he told me that they are lessening the requirements that you need to graduate. You only need one cluster instead of two (or you could have a minor). That would cut my work load in half!

I went to my advising center today and I got put on the new catalog year, changed my emphasis to Program Design & Prescription, and am now able to defer this fall and still graduate in December 2013! I am very excited that I got it figured out, and that it's going to work. It will be a crazy two semesters in the Spring and Fall of 2013, but it will be worth it. 

Overall, today has been a fabulous day. I'm teaching a step aerobics class later this evening, and game two between the Heat and the Thunder is on tonight. I have a wonderful husband who makes me laugh every single day (even when I don't want to), and we have a beautiful little baby girl who will make her way here in 112 days. 

Count your blessings. There will always be lots around.

Um, How Old Are We?

I basically live in the Hart Building on campus. As an Exercise Physiology major the majority of my classes are in this building and it has a convenient study area next to the big windows overlooking the football field. So not only do I get to sit in comfortable chairs, but I get to people watch.

I love it.

As I was getting my things together to go take my anatomy lecture exam which I had studied very little for (but still got a 94%, pretty darn good for not studying if I do say so myself), I realized that I should probably stop by the bathroom before I take my test. 

I walked into the bathroom, put my backpack on the rack, and turned the corner to choose a stall and was stopped in my tracks. There was toilet paper everywhere. On the floor, stuck to the toilet seats... it was disgusting. There were paper towels that had obviously been thrown in the general direction of the garbage can, but missed terribly. So what does the tosser do? Leave it there on the floor. 

Personally, I think this is ridiculous. Just plain ridiculous. All of the girls or women who use this bathroom are at least 18 years old. You are officially an adult! Learn how to pick up after yourself like one! Especially in the bathroom. I don't know about the rest of you, but my mom understood the importance of helping us learn how to clean a bathroom and pick up after ourselves from an early age. (With me, it might not have stuck until I was a little older, but hey, it still worked eventually, right?)

COME ON PEOPLE. Pick up after yourselves. Respect the buildings on campus. No man is ever going to want to marry a girl who leaves toilet paper all over the ground, stuck to the toilet seat, and leaves a mess wherever she goes.

And by the way, I'm 23 weeks now, just a little past 5 months! I had a doctor appointment yesterday and they measured my fundal height, and I'm at 24cm. So right on the money!
 If she keeps growing like she is then maybe I'll have her on her due date! Fingers crossed!!