Perfectly Clear

Have you ever had a moment where your life seems to come into a perfect and clear focus? I couldn't sleep last night. Among all the tossing and turning, my mind was constantly running around with silly, pointless thoughts, making it even more exhausting trying to find restful sleep. And then as I was laying there, feeling the kicks and punches from baby girl number two, I looked over at Derek. An unstoppable smile spread across my face and, as school-girlish as it sounds, my heart started to pound.

This picture melts my heart.

My mind filled with thoughts of my little family, all the fun things we had done this weekend, and all
of the good memories we have already made. I thought of the excitement, joy, stress, sleeplessness, and headaches that will come with another little lady being added to our family. And it all just felt so right. It was a moment that reaffirmed to me that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.

Being a mom is rough. Really rough. You love these little people with everything you have, even on the days when they get mad at you, yell at you, and do everything they know they shouldn't. It is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. But as I laid in bed last night, it all made me smile. I'm sure being a mom is going to get even more exhausting come December. But you know what? I know that this, being a mom to my precious and crazy girl (soon to be girls), is what I am meant to do. Yes, there are other things that I do that aren't directly connected with being a mom, and yes, they still make me who I am. But being a mom is the biggest part of me right now, and it will be for the rest of my life.

All of this flooded my mind within thirty seconds. It was a rush of happiness and peace. It filled me with gratitude for everything I have been blessed with. At that moment my life came into a perfect and clear focus. And I wish I could say that afterward I settled into my bed and fell right to sleep. But I can't. And that's okay, because I get to hang out with this beautiful girl all day and hug my husband when he gets home from work.

Life is good.